Stockport used to be a decent side. Probably because while their players’ eyes became accustomed to the puzzling ‘Ice Mountain’ design of their shirts, visiting teams couldn’t cope with the myriad colours and interwoven patterns it contained, hence allowing County to waltz around them while they lay dazed on the Edgeley Park pitch.

Similar to Stockport’s crazy design above, Arsenal unveiled the ‘Bruised Banana’ look in 1991. This shirt was worn by such Arsenal greats as Adams, Merson, Smith, Dixon and Ian Selley, and remains part of the Gunners folklore to this day. It wasn’t their fault though. At the time shirt designers were under pressure to create new and exciting designs as shirt sales were dwindling. This shirt sold by the bucketload so, although we’re still laughing at it now, they were laughing all the way to the bank.

Ah the famous-yet-disgusting ‘Bird Poo’ Canary classic. Look at it there in all its vile glory. Like an explosion in a Games Workshop paint shop this shirt became infamous in Norwich’s history and yet, at the time it was being worn, The Canaries were, ahem, flying high and conquering Europe. Maybe Delia will reinstate it next season as they try to climb their way out of the third tier of English footy.

This monstrosity from the 1990s bears a striking resemblence to one of those ‘Magic Eye’ paintings in which dolphins were supposedly swimming about in front of desert islands or something. Allegedly, if you stare at it long enough, you can just about make out Geoff Thomas’s England career. Although it’s very faint.

Mexico stopper Jorge Campos had a lovely line in horrible jerseys. This one, from the 1994 World Cup in the States, was one of his most kaleidoscopic. Psychedelic and mind-mangling it might be, but at least he wouldn’t go missing during a floodlight failure.

In the 1998 World Cup in France, it was the turn of the outfield Mexicans to look hideous in this truly dreadful design which celebrates Mayan culture in the country. It was designed to put their opponants off, and it worked well as they were unbeaten in the group stages, finally succumbing to the Germans in the second round. One suspects the Germans are used to the imposing glance of a stern domineering figure though .

Only a select few can get away with wearing leopard print. Bet Lynch, obviously, and perhaps fat women in ASDA. But footballers? Can you imagine Neil ‘Razor’ Ruddock wearing something as feminine as this? It’s supposed to represent the Tiger of course, but the designer couldn’t have got it more wrong had he signed Jimmy Bullard as the face of his campaign.

Hull obviously have a sense of humour. Not content with the Bet Lynch design above, they surpassed even that with this garish tie-die horror show. The two-tone purple seismograph effect was bad enough but embossing an orange trim on it…I ask ya. Have those guys got no eye for style? Pass the proverbial bucket will ya?

This would never have seen the light of day in Brian Clough’s tenure. The man famous for his plain green sweater would have taken one look at the puzzling design on the shoulder, noted the obnoxious mustard yellow colour, and announced to the manufacturers with a barbed swipe: “No men o’ mine are running around dressed like a bunch o’ fairies when we’re away at Manchester I can tell thee”.

Just look at that pathetic display of drab colouring. And then look at the horrid brown kit as well. Brown should never be considered for a football kit. And how tight is it as well? Andy Reid just wouldn’t look right in that.

Was it supposed to depict the jagged snowy-peaked highlands of Scotland? Or the projected downward economic spiral of the football club? Who knows, but this is truly disgusting.

A wearable conundrum this one. The more you look at it the more you see. An educational video following red blood cells through the veins; a murder crime scene on kitchen tiles; jelly and ice cream; some weird plants found in the sub-tropics…You decide.

Imagine the scenario: You’re the home side lining up in the tunnel before the big match – the visit of the world-famous Barcelona. Then, out they trot, resplendent in a shiny, green/silver Tetris-aping calamity. Suddenly they don’t look quite so illustrious.

The manufacturers of this kit obviously saw the God-awful Forest away shirt (see above) and thought to themselves: “We can better that”, and so decided to have the inane squiggly effect over both shoulders. Unfortunately, the finsihed item only succeeds in looking like the aftermath of having a drunken Scotsman throwing up his buckfast over each shoulder.